I haven’t written in a while and that’s mostly due to my feeling of dishonesty towards myself. How can you write about your experiences to others when you can’t even be genuine to yourself?

So I gave myself some time, as I owe it to myself. It’s only healthy.

Now something funny happened while I was giving myself this time; I lost contact with a couple people, and I developed an enhanced shopping problem. From this, I concluded that I was looking for something.

I had fallen out of touch with myself, so boy does it feel good to be back home. Life is filled with red herrings, deceit and camouflage… but when you are conscious, present and honest with every decision you make, you will be okay. Whether its deciding on starting a friendship with a person you’ve just met or telling a person you consider a friend something near and dear to your heart for support, consult the Man upstairs first, or at least speak openly to yourself about your decision.

Now those people I’ve lost contact with… we all know what we can handle. We know who makes us happy and those who do not. There is nothing to feel guilty about when it comes to protecting your spirit and there is certainly nothing selfish about surrounding yourself with those who have the ability to help and allow positive growth of your spirit.

Not being able to conform to this society doesn’t make you strange or abnormal. It also doesn’t make you weak. Heck… it doesn’t even make you ‘unique’. You’d be surprised to know the number of people pretending to enjoy “what everybody else is doing” just to be deemed ‘normal’.

There are many times, particularly in past friendships, where I’ve felt like it was me who wasn’t normal. I’ve been called ‘naïve’, ‘too innocent’ and ‘oblivious’ or just simply ‘not getting it’. The people who called me these things had (and currently have) a lifestyle I do not condone. So just because I didn’t take part and join in with these activities, they assumed I did not know this lifestyle existed, and so I am naïve. I do not have to take part to be aware of its existence.

I have sinned, we all have, and we will continue to in various ways as we are human… but when you know better, and you sin anyway? That’s when we have a problem. Because you are not being honest with yourself.

You are the only person in the world you can trust. So when you’re even lying to yourself, don’t expect anyone else to stop you from doing something you’ll regret.

Don’t worry about what anybody else is doing. You can’t change a person and as much as you’d like to, you can never help somebody enough. Only they can find peace within themselves. So be the role model and help others by helping yourself first. Create a positive atmosphere. Pray and your priorities will be revealed to you. And when they’re revealed to you, pray about it some more. Speak aloud and be honest with yourself. The power of the tongue is immense. A person can have truth in their heart, a lie on their tongue and the tongue is what is heard by those who do not have peace… that’s when you will not be able to handle an attack from the enemy as smoothly as you could of.

Be truthful with what you are feeling as feelings can be a problem majority of the time and you cannot deal with a problem until you acknowledge it first.

J x